INTERESTED IN TRYING BONDAGE? – YOU’VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE
Chat via this site (Look bottom right)
I WANT TO BE A SUB – DO I NEED EXPERIENCE?
No. Just Apply.
I WANT TO BE A SUB – CAN WE MEET?
Apply and we’ll be happy to meet
Dungeon, Your place, AirBNB hired venue, Domme’s Club, all sorts of possibilities…..and we can decide.
(NB: Before I come to your place, I need to see proof of address (utility bill etc) to ensure address is real.).
(NB: If you’re wanting a Dungeon or AirBNB venue hired, we will discuss this …. either you send me the hire fee in advance or you hire and send me proof of hire…..this is to ensure you’re serious!)
I WANT TO BE A SUB – CAN I MEET TODAY?
Unlikely to be practicable. Master can sometimes meet at very short notice but this is rare.
Being a Sub is a lifestyle……and security concerns for Master as well as you are difficult to overcome very quickly …..but hotel rooms are usually OK.
I WANT TO BE YOUR SUB – CAN I DO SO TODAY?
Usually you should meet the Dom/Master several times and play before you agree to become a sub ….. a first session should be an afternoon and overnight ………then try out a weekend or three days …..do this 2 or three times ……then consider longer with the Dom.
You will discuss with Master what is going to happen and this will be in a written contract.
This helps spell out from the beginning what your Hard Limits are.
Expect to bring ID with Signature to any Scene as Master will want to check things out.
The contract should allow you both to exit gracefully at the dissolution of the relationship.
I know you don’t want to think of the ending right when you are just beginning, but it’s an absolute necessity to make sure you have a clear plan. It should cover whether this is a live in or live out relationship
How long will you have to move out, find a new job, home, etc. should the two of you part?
I WANT TO BE A SUB – CAN I JUST BE SPANKED?
You need to be what be sure about how finances will be allotted for things like visits to Dungeons – you can sometimes expect to pick up half the cost of the first meet but then expect to share costs of hiring Dungeons, but this is something to discuss at the first meeting
Expect to host or be hosted in a normal house for longer term meets…. or to host yourself.
Don’t just go on good faith.
ARE YOU SAFE & EXPERIENCED?
Make sure the Dom/Domme is experienced – there’s lots of Dominants (particularly male) just looking for wierd sex and who know nothing about being a Dominant or Subspace or aftercare and sub-drop ……….you will risk real abuse or personal injury if you use one of these.
It takes years before a Dom/Domme really knows what they’re doing.
If the Dom is under 30 …..our advice is Run Away as fast as you can.
We’ve yet to find many really good Doms/Dommes under 45.
STDs and BIRTH CONTROL?
Make sure you’re on birth control – many subs accidentally get pregnant because the scene runs into unexpected but entirely consensual unplanned territory.
And expect to go through an STD Check.
Master should have one
Master will only have bare sex with a very very close circle of people ……otherwise you can expect safe sex.
Master will be rigid about this.
Expect to use Femidoms as well as Condoms. Femidoms are good for a single Dom session, Condoms good if you’re having multiple Dom’s screwing you as whilst you’re protected, the Dom’s will be encountering each others body fluids within the Femidom.
Master will expect to know exactly what your sex life is so that he can properly manage risk.
Master will also inspect for things indicating
IF YOU ARE HIV or HERPES POSITIVE, YOU ARE REQUIRED BY LAW TO TELL MASTER BEFORE YOU MEET IN A CLEAR WAY.
LIFE GOES ON?
Don’t forget that you still have to live your everyday lives–go to work or school, take out the kitty litter, have dinner with your parents, etc.–and your relationship agreements shouldn’t interfere with your ability to do those things……….
……..Although be prepared that your arse may be red, bruised or marked by caning for a few days and you may need to adjust things accordingly, particularly if you’re marred or a gym user.
And on the same note, the fact that all these everyday things have to be done means that there are probably going to be minutes and hours and maybe even days where the D/s aspects of your relationship aren’t being actively expressed.
You can build in rituals and language etc. to alleviate this some, but expect it to happen and try to be OK with it.
Like with any other relationship, a healthy D/s relationship usually includes having friends and interests that don’t have to do with your D/s relationship
IS A DOM/MASTER LIKE A BOYFRIEND?
A Dom is a partner who takes the role of giver or controller in such acts as bondage, discipline, humiliation, or servitude.
Such acts are performed on a sub.
Most Doms incorporate all aspects of being a Top but this is not universal and while a Dom will take care of his sub, he will be giving orders or otherwise employ physical or psychological techniques of control.
Some Doms have “assistants”
– for a male hetero Dom this could be a gay sub that he doesn’t play with sexually, but who may assist in the scene or it could be a female sub who he also plays with and who may also play with you
– for a male bi Dom this could be a gay or female sub that he does or doesn’t play with sexually, but who may assist in the scene or it could be a female sub who he also plays with and who may also play with you
Dom/Master might instruct the submissive to perform the act on him or other subs.
This is why the contract and checklist is essential (see Top of page).
The relationship between a Dom and his sub may be very transitory or can be permanent.
Some Doms are married to their sub and other are married to one of their subs and therefore there is a status of Dom – Sub – SubSub or Dom – Sub/SubSub (where Sub/SubSub are largely equal).
Long term relationships are known and common.
Long term relationships that include sex are known and common
SO WHAT DO YOU GET FROM THE REPLY
…you’ll get the whinging bitch who only wants to read two sentences – ditch her straight away, you’ll soon use up her only working braincell !!
……you’ll get the Sub who does’t know what gender they are or can’t read gender specific data in the advert (sigh!)
………you’ll get the deliberate time wasters, you can spot them in a few sentences
…………..you’ll get the frustrated wife ….OK if you’re looking for that …and there can be upsides to this type of responder too, but most married ladies look for a toy boy not a Master!
…………….you’ll get the teenager looking for a one-off experience …..always take up those offers as she might like it and stay, but don’t hold out your hopes too high
……………..and you’ll get a one off gem who turns out to be a nightmare,
…………………and one where the chemistry just doesn’t work
……………………………and finally, out of every 100 women who reply , you’ll get a one off gem who is everything you want, cute, bratty, slim, clever, sane, kinky as hell
But you need to weed them out from the chaff.
-Don’t send information identifying yourself at the start.
– Use KiK to communicate after the initial steps
– then talk on the phone
- Get a Photo – clothed , semi-clothed, + naked – don’t worry if the photo obscures the face or distinguishable tattoos
If you have a photo on your advert, she should be willing to send a similar one.
legs apart at the front is always better but legs together at the back shows her arse and legs off better
get a Face photo – this can be easily sent from a different email so the photo in 1 isn’t linked to the photo in 2
DO EVERYONE A FAVOUR – GET PHOTOS TO INCLUDE THE PHRASE “SENT IN CONFIDENCE AND FOR PRIVATE USE ONLY – NOT FOR PUBLICATION, COPYRIGHT RESERVED”
- Consider using a Confidentiality Agreement – there’s one on site
- Get her to read the BDSM Checklist and BDSM Contract – I know lots of idiots online say they’re “unenforceable” or “illegal” – they’re not. When you’re in a police holding room being interviewed because some nutter of a Sub has complained, you’ll be really glad of the Contract to prove it was all consensual. When the mad Dom that you thought was OK tries to publish your photos on his website, you’ll be glad that you can get them down because of the Non-Disclosure Contract and because of the non-publication and copyright reservation, rather than needing to go to Court. Yes, a contract for slavery is illegal in the USA but not elsewhere -although no judge will enforce it, it will ensure you all know and have planned the journey together.A Good Sub will want to stay …….and if she doesn’t want to stay then let her go as you’re both wasting your time!!!
5) Don’t expect too much from the responses
Most responses to your ad will be a waste of time.
Spam can be easily identified
– she doesn’t point out anything particular in your advert;
– she doesn’t ask for anything except to send increasingly more information about you when she doesn’t provide any.
– she uses a tone that is very lax and lazy
– she uses single line responses
– she is overly flirty
– she is not at all respectful as a potential sub or slave would be.
– Very few females are comfortable enough with their fantasies to explore with a stranger.
– Even fewer will actually translate this into action
– Expect to encounter one genuine female out of every 20 responses
– Expect to encounter one female with any submissive experience out of every 10 responses
– Once is a while you will find a fantastic sub that really is genuine and who will do the full follow through.
– Most are too new, too scared or too young to know what they want.
– Remain patient when explaining things to them.
– Many will ask stupid questions such as “What is BDSM?” Although she could easily look this up, don’t become frustrated, (Remember she may be the dumb slut you truly want if you’re into bimbofication)
– Do not take these responses too seriously.
Write the first response to answer basic questions and get basic answers from her.
If she wants information, ensure you get information from her too.
Communications should exchange more and more detailed information by which time you’ll know if you’re likely to be compatible or whether there’s a chance that you will be.
Within the first 3 – 4 emails back and forth you should have her phone number and a potential date to meet.
Remember the sub is game to be captured and tamed.
If you’ve done it right,
- you’ll both have each other’s real ID, job details etc
- you’ll both be confident that the other isn’t an axe murderer (Whether you meet in a pub or a restaurant or at a police station, the risks are the same as meeting at a commercial dungeon (…OK a Police station is safer except for all the horny police men and women with truncheon and handcuffs and cells available to them) because he can always slip something in your drink or can wait until you’ve met three or four times before drugging you and taking you to a brothel in Bolivia ……but if you have verifiable ID you should be relatively safe
As for the time waster replies, be sensible – Save your time and focus on other things in your life.
MESSAGES TO THE SUBS I’VE MET ONLY ONCE
So to Fiona A – it was great, sorry I lost your details, My phone was stolen on the day after we met and I didn’t have it backed up
MESSAGES TO THE SUBS I’VE NOT YET MET
… yes we’re genuine