Alright, so you have been chatting online with a prospective Dom for a while and its time for a meet ……Now it gets real, really fast…..so what should you expect?
Your brain is racing, you ask yourself, “Am I really going to meet a strange man and submit to him baring my bottom and spanking me and more? Oh my God what am I getting into? There are a lot of crazies on the loose, am I nuts?”
You’ve clearly thought about this and it’s something you want to explore …….The answer is “No, you’re only nuts if you’re not cautious!”.
At the Meeting
This is the account of Anna (25) and written by her. (I’ve not edited it).
He told me that I was going to be inspected, trained and my boundaries tested to discover where my threshold for obedience, submission and for pain is. The classic Dominant/Submissive scene.
The dungeon was just off a very busy market and was a converted wine cellar. I buzzed the door which had a CCTV and was let in. I knew that immediately next to the door was a set of stairs and I had been told to go to the bottom of the stairs where I should get into the clothes instructed. I’d travelled on public transport and had a small bag to change.
I was then told to put on the blindfold and knock on the door once changed.
As I picked up the blindfold I almost ran out, but that would have meant running out in a very short old silk skirt and stockings and bra which was probably less safe than staying (ha! ha!) I put on the blindfold and was already trembling, a mix of fear and excitement.
I felt for the door and knocked. I took a deep trembling breath.
His voice gave instant assurance and control …..and doubled the fear. He clearly knew he was now in charge.
“Put both your hands out in front of you.”
“Once I have them step forwards two steps then turn left”
I did so.
Firm hands took my arms.
I could not see where I was going with the blindfold.
I was led down a short stuffy corridor and through a curtain. The next room was airy and also slightly colder. I felt my nipples react.
My hands were pulled together and handcuffed. My arms were hoisted. “Hell! What comes next” I thought.
I was again wrongfooted. I was simply undressed ever so gently and ever so slowly. It was clear that he was relishing my body. It seemed like ages between touches
At times I could feel his breath on my skin, so close was his head to me.
“I want to check the safewords” and he ran through how they would work. I would keep the blindfold on all session and misuse of the Red word would instantly mean I would be dressed in my outside clothes taken to the door and unblindfolded and the session end.
As a Dom he was be instantly commanding and intense. He kept me permanently off my guard.
Once inspected, I was naked completely. The handcuffs came off. It was explained that I was submitting to him and he didn’t therefore need them.
He told me to kneel down and open my mouth which I did.
Something was thrust into my mouth …… not what I expected,
“DON’T DROP IT”
I knelt there for what seemed like an eternity naked,
5 minutes later I was still naked except for a dog collar and a leash which he commanded me to put on.
He instructed me to put my hands behind my head, while on my knees, legs apart, mouth open, and back arched.
Then I felt the flogger, but what I g0t was the most erotic massage and then I was introduced to the flogger ever so gently. Then he flogged me all over my body. Hardly any pain ….apparently deliberately at this stage, just to see if I would object.
He stood close behind me so I could lean against him as he breathed into my hair and neck, which served to calm me between the beatings (and massively turn me on). Calling it erotic is an understatement.
He felt how wet I was.
He ran his fingers in and out and around my open mouth six times.
He had me in total control.
I cannot describe how hot all of this was. I was naked and vulnerable to this complete stranger.
I thought he’d be telling me what to do immediately in the first session, but he went though the hard and soft limit questionnaire, pulling my leg all the time …. putting me at ease …..he had more questions and it seemed as if he could tell instantly if I was lying or hesitating about answering ..how I don’t know, but it was as if he was reading my thoughts.
At one stage, I needed to pee and said so, but because I’d not asked correctly, he made me use a potty, which was so horny.
The session went on for another hour or so, but what happened then is private, you can use your imagination.(Also I don’t want to ruin it for you if you’re going to try it)
I was allowed a shower, and to dress in leaving clothes, but I had to emerge still with the blindfold on. We sat and chatted about my experience for about 20 minutes with him feeding me fruit whilst blindfolded (very erotic). We arranged the next meeting and I left not seeing him at all.
Soon after it was over, many emotions surfaced. But, what surprised me most were the insights this experience gave me about myself. I was his instrument and he was playing a new tune with my body. After the session, he gave me a homework assignment: “Write up the things you learned and what you think you didn’t and what you enjoy most and what you didn’t.
He also said to call him when the emotions hit and I did.
My advice is don’t be too eager to try everything and don’t expect it to meet your fantasy unless you’ve explained it in detail to Master – he’s not a mindreader. A Good Dom will condition you to be patient and leave you wanting more.
Master told me that learning to be truly submissive in sex takes time and commitment. It means agreeing (and sticking to it) that you don’t even masterbate without Master’s express permission. I called him three times that night to ask to masterbate, I was so horny.
Master said that I should expect at least 8 sessions before it becomes fully effective and true to his prediction it was only after abut 8 sessions that Master was truly able to command my sexuality, to command my sexual thoughts etc – that time he said come and I did almost instantly.
Pain = Pleasure.
I didn’t know how true this was.
You can’t understand it logically or understand it until you really feel pain.
Trusting that I could recover quickly is the thing I struggled with but found to be true. What caught me was how quickly I wanted more.
Whilst I jumped and yelped at the intensifying flogging and the violet wand, later that night and the next day I just keep thinking about what a pussy I was- I so wanted more straight away. I just kept wanting more too and more of the painful stuff.
Once this rather animal desire for more clicked in, I could see a clearer way down the BDSM path than before and knew I would do this again. This is a thing to discover in stages, however. It is intense – A different kind of touch.
It can be hard, loud and therefore scary, but parts of it are amazingly soft. The most intimate moments were when he was right behind me, leaning his body into mine, while standing, after being freshly flogged. And he breathed into the back of my head, slightly nuzzling my hair. That alone got me so hot yet made me feel comforted. As someone who enjoys being throat fucked and vigorously finger-banged, this subtle move was a delightful shocker.
Anonymity is hot.
I never saw him. As part of the safety protocol I knew who he was but I never saw him in the dungeon and left without seeing him. It was 4 months of regular sessions either weekly or fortnightly and usually weekly before I saw him, even though by then I knew every inch of his body, and that was only a glimpse by accident
I asked him if we could meet for breakfast before coming to the dungeon on the next occasion and he said this would “break the scene”. He asked me if I was “… sure you wouldn’t rather keep the mystery?”. Upon further consideration, I realized I really didn’t want to know more, at least for now.
I realised it was delicious to have a seemingly safe way to compartmentalize extremely deviant behaviour with a man much older than me and in fact older than my father.
There was something really freeing and fantastical about that.
Don’t be Afraid (and be afraid) to Ask for what you really want (or don’t want).
Clear, concise communication is required for the BDSM dynamic to work, as well as thinking and responding quickly.
I soon learned to keep my mouth shut because I’d say something without thinking and find out it was done to me.
For example I said one day about session 6, that I’d fantasised about two men double penetration (arse and pussy) and he asked if it was something I wanted to try. Without thinking I said “Hell, yes!” and within the hour, I actually knew what it felt like.
The same thing happened in session 8 with a gangbang (Me and my big mouth!)
I am so glad Master gave me two safe words; one that indicated it was time to slow down and the other meant to stop whatever was happening immediately. I never had to get to my second safe word.
But I do regret not asking for more, and harder more often or sometimes asking to suspend safe words. I would recommend saying “MORE” however slutty you think it makes you sound. You won’t regret it.
You can get relaxed too – Sometimes, mid-scene, I made the major faux pas of breaking into an uncontrollable giggle. I find the absurd in most things to amuse myself, and something struck me about what was going on and I had to laugh. I’d get flashbacks to porn films or normal movies where there were cliché parallels ….Master took this well , and humour became the norm. It also developed into brattyness which I (willingly) got punished for.
Also be prepared. Plan what you are going to wear in advance. Make sure you take a shower and take care of your hair and skin long before the date. Dress nicely for leaving as he’ll see that too and smell nice. It doesn’t matter what you wear, you can always look your best.
And distract yourself. Arrive in good time and sit and have a coffee and bring a book or magazine so that in the time leading up to the date you can keep yourself busy. Sitting around doing nothing will only amplify your nervousness. the experience should be fun, don’t let nerves ruin it….Maser wants you to be yourself – even if that means bratty
Have questions in mind. Having set questions in mind will calm any nervous energy you may normally experience. Avoid all cliche topics like what’s your zodiac sign.
What you are trying to achieve here is starting a new relationship, during your first meeting, it is important that both understand what each other want out of the relationship, what each hopes to gain, their expectations , and there needs. It is very important to be upfront and truthful with the new dominant, I can tell you he will not forget anything you have told him. He has a court reporter in his head, and can be read back to at anytime, be truthful, that goes for both.
Finally, if you’ve got to this stage, don’t hang around or you’ll talk and talk and then lose momentum. If you’ve decided you like what you hear and you’ve identified his real ID, and he passes the test of a proper Dom then go for it!!!
Read Rules 1 to 9 for your own safety
Rule 1 – Never your house or his!
Always meet at a public place for a first meeting – or a public dungeon – Never ever go to his house and never ever bring him to your house for the first meeting.
If he’s using a public dungeon (i.e. not his own) , its safer than a hotel because there’s a known history, they’ll have asked for his ID and credit card and he’ll be known to them and they know he’s safe otherwise they would risk it, because a scandal would close the dungeon,.
Rule 2 – Is he real?
Does he have a pro-dom website …and when was the domain registered?
If the domain wasn’t registered at least 10 years ago, you’re probably dealing with a newby, a pretend Dom or at least one with little experience.
Rule 3 – Alcohol at the meeting – a warning flag.
It’s one thing to be offered a glass of champagne, it’s another to be offered many glasses of it. There’s nothing wrong with having a drink before you go to take off the edge of nerves, but ONE ONLY. (You also don’t want to arrive smelling of booze!).
Rule 3(b) Water, Fruit and Nuts at the meeting – a good sign
Its a good sign and means he’s thought about your blood sugar.
Rule 4 – Your transport or public transport
Always drive your own car or go on public transport. In the UK, never, ever, go in his car on the first meeting unless you’ve checked him out really thoroughly and you can trace him to a real life ID which you’ve left in a sealed envelope at your house (preferably marked “open only on my death or on my disappearance for at last 24 hours”). If you’re in the USA or continental Europe, his car is a definite no-no. (The UK has more road-based CCTV than you can imagine).
Rule 5:- Meeting Safely
Many people say that you should “Arrange for a friend to call you at a certain time on your mobile phone just to make sure you are ok” but there are at least 2 flaws in this:
a) If you’re in a dungeon, your mobile may not work and you don’t want to start a panic;
b) it’s too late by then if you’ve met a nutter;
c) The system requires your friends to know what to tell the police etc and that means disclosing to them what you’re doing and where,
If you’re using the call system, what happens if your friend is busy or in the underground etc – arrange a KIK codeword – use KiK and you can see when its been delivered …….any sane Dom will allow you a time out to send the codeword, even if he supervises it as part of your training and submission. Arrange the Codeword to be sent at a particular time and make sure you’re not late, but do it in the first 10 minutes before the scene really gets underway – you’ll know by then whether he’s genuine.
Nothing beats the safety of checking him out really thoroughly and tracing him to a real life ID which you’ve left in a sealed envelope at your house (preferably marked “open only on my death or on my disappearance for at last 24 hours”, so you parents or friends don’t open it if you’re an hour late home or just in curiosity )…..and destroy it when you arrive safely back.
Rule 6: Safe Words
…This is a tricky one. When I was doing sessions, it was always for real misbehaviours, not role play, the easy ones are green, yellow, and red. In later play you can vary these.
Rule 7: Background checks
I think it is ok for you to do a background check on him however, he may not want to give his real name when you first meet. Its a good sign if he does but don’t abuse it.
This does not need to be a deal breaker but if he does, you’re on relatively safe ground.
Trust me, there are a lot of female maniacs out there too, so don’t trust him just because he’d bringing another female
Use your best judgment and follow your gut. If he can get into your head when online, he’ll be able to do it in the dungeon and that means fun, especially if you can check out his real ID.
Rule 8: Body Safety:
No wood implements unless you’re sure he’s experienced – you may love a paddle or even a cane, but if he has no experience or skill, you can get seriously hurt!
If he’s a pro-dom then you have no worries.
A good Dom will in any event start with his hand. His hand will not damage you, even if he spanks as hard as I do, but you have to know that he can control you and make you submit with his hand first.
Rule 8: Dress.
If he is for real, he will probably tell you what he wants you to wear.
Alternatively he may want you to bring clothes to get changed into if you need to travel in public transport.
(Many Doms say no pants, but it is still acceptable to insist on a thong if going full bare bottomed is just too scary for you on a first meeting). He’ll probably remove it anyway.
Rule 9: After care.
If he is not caring, and willing to talk to you about how you are feeling right from the start, forget him. He is just a wanna-be.
A Doms main concern in a session is the safety of the sub – YOU – , both physically and emotionally. Obviously the spanking will hurt. It’s meant to, and you may cry, and you may mark. Thats fine (and the marks wont last long).
But you must not be ignored after. Corner time is allowed but you must be comforted after. He should discuss this before you start and although you’re free to leave when YOU want to, you should both agree that you can end the session at any time, but then you’ll talk for a few minutes and he’ll offer you after-care ..if he is not insisting on offering after care you need to move on. After care is essential – you’ll get emotional reactions after the session.
This should also include a followup call, both that day and the next. The next day can by by email or message, but the call that day is always better by voice……and however disastrous you thought it was, it is good to talk it though.
A good Dom will want to know that she’s home safely and not standing on a bridge somewhere, having had a melt-down. If he does not contact you by the next day, forget him.