Law of Consent

Consent is everything: It is all about consent and normally the consideration of a submissive’s needs, and wanting to be in a D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationship, even a short-term one. Being a Dominant is not about just taking what you wanted from someone and not worrying about whether they come back or not or what they think about the experience. It has to do with consent and if there is no consent, then these is abuse, which may be criminal abuse. Consent matters because it’s the consent, coupled with the safe words that bring play to a stop, that allows play, that allows us to push edges, take risks, and enter uncharted territory. The consent allows a general permission to do what would otherwise be criminal assault and sexual assault and the safe word allows us to play at the edges where consent may not have been expressly given or where the edge of consent has been reached and the time might be right to push the boundaries – without the Safe word, you couldn’t do this.
• Consent is the prime and fundamental boundary that comes with BDSM territory. There’s no way to absolutely guarantee that someone will leave your company without some bad feelings. There will be times when things go wrong. Ensuring consent and being clear and continuing to check with each other, means that even if things go awry, there remains a basic trust and the risk of misunderstandings and mistakes are minimal and not purely thoughtlessness or stupidity.Every Dom has a different style but the one thing we cannot argue about is consent. If there’s no consent, then it’s not BDSM, it is assault, kidnap, sexual assault and rape.
• “A real dominant just takes what he wants and a ‘real’ submissive accepts this” … bullshit. The truth is that a dominant agrees on the parameters and within those parameters, the submissive has no choice, but her submission can be withdrawn at any time simply by using the safe word. Informed Consent means BDSM, and vice versa and it’s crucial that we explain that if someone is consenting then they’re clear exactly what they’re consenting to and if we say “bdsm”, they say “yes”, we might rough sex and sadomasochism and they might mean obedience and voice commands, then it should be no surprise if they claim abuse or violation and end up talking to PC Plod.
• Get Consent and talk about specifics!!! It can be awkward for many people to talk about sex, not to mention kinky sexual desires and people have desires that they won’t even disclose to old friends, but might disclose to a dominant they’ll never meet again.
• There’s no shame in submitting; it’s not inherently a stance of weakness, giving your submission is power because with the safeword, you can always take it back.

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