Aftercare is the negotiated time after a scene or play time where you recover and take care of each other’s needs. This is also a time to reconnect to reality and re-establish roles outside the scene. Some scenes are very intense emotionally and psychologically, sepecially when soft boundaries have been overcome or at first encounters.
Aftercare and Age
Age is also a factor. The latest research is that emotional development continues until 25 and indeed the Victorians often recognised this by leaving assets tied-up (other sort of tied-up!) in a trust fund until the beneficiary was 25 years old. This means that although the under 25 year-old Submissive, might seem not to need much Aftercare, they will need more than the over 25 year old.
Similarly, it is important that the Sub is honest with the Master because earlier trauma, whether child abuse or abusive older relationships can lead to a perceived desire to be submissive, but can need extremely careful handling. (Such Subs are referred to as “Tender Subs”.)
Master Charles has extensive understanding of psychology and psychotherapy and this should be the case in all good Doms. The understanding that this is a joint goal of having fun, which maintaining the Dom/Sub relationship, but maintaining equality in After-care is missing in many inexperienced or abusive Doms, who simply seek to subjucate and crush the Sub, not to empower them. (Many Doms treat their bottoms as Slaves and not Subs [Click here to see the difference between a Slave and a Sub]. .
Although appearing not to need particular aftercare and likely to pass the entire experience off as “experimental”, the younger or vulnerable Sub actually requires greater after-care. Without proper handling, the younger Submissive may experience both depression and anger, possibly uncontrolled anger which will emerge into other areas of her life.
Whilst this is still possible with older submissives and will occur in all cases where the Submissive has got past her soft-boundaries, younger Subs need more care but can also be si much more rewarding for a more experienced Master.
it is also important for all Subs to be in, and feel that they are in a relationship that is both loving and protective relationship where the After-Care can discuss achievements and goals, feelings and issues, including guilt, worthlessness, anger and the ability to explore emergent sexuality or unusual fantasies or desires in private, have been pass
will require greater after-care than and the Dominant will usually may need to help the submissive unwind and recover. Dominants also need aftercare; some like a massage or sex, but at the least you should both get re-hydrated and rest.
Aftercare is an often forgotten part of the negotiation process and there are many BDSM practitioners that do not perform aftercare after a scene, believing that it is the personal responsibility of the parties involved to take care of their needs after play. It is also less common for aftercare to happen when playing in a casual once only sort of event such as a play party. This is because the Dominant and submissive are there for selfish reasons and not for a dance of power between a well connected relationship.
Often, the first thing they will need is a drink of water, followed by a trip to the toilet. Lots of tender affection, cuddling and kissing will often comfort the person and improve their mental state.
The emotional afterglow following the SM fireworks is not unlike the post-coital buzz following sex, and your actions and words will speak five times louder than usual. You can frame the scene beautifully with tenderness and respect, or blow it completely. And just as a perfectly executed single tail strike would be calamitously wrong if it followed a safe word, a wonderful scene can be wrecked by inexpert, thoughtless or cavalier behavior once the “play phase” of the scene has ended. Bad aftercare, or no aftercare, can do damage that is basically incalculable. It can leave your partner feeling queasy, unsatisfied, or used, ruin an otherwise great scene, or damage the trust and affection your partner has in you, if you are seen as arrogant, uncaring or clueless in that time of maximum tenderness and exposure.
Can you see the picture of a drop now?
Reduced or inhibited serotonin levels, lowered blood sugar, potassium and sodium levels, lowered body fluids. This causes (depending on the depletion levels) lethargy, depression, muscle weakness and/or cramps, nausea, headaches, dizziness, irregular body temperature, lack of mental focus, irritability, and can lead to unconsiousness and even more severe problems.
One other thing to note (thank you my friend for pointing this out). The signs mentioned above – they are NOT solely occurring in the bottom/submissive/slave – the top/Dominant/Master expends energy in the form of both mental and physical exercise – this WILL cause much of the same things to occur in their bodies as what occurs in their partners – depending on their physical make up, the strenuousness of the scene, etc. – they may actually drop harder than their partner at times.
It is therefore important to not only be aware of what is occurr