The adrenaline “crash” experience for the submissive is something many, many Dominants are unaware of, and they have no concept of the amount of harm they could be doing to someone’s psychological state by not performing adequate, comforting aftercare.
Indeed, 95% of all Dominants are unaware that they are likely to suffer the same, but to a lesser degree of course. (It’s called Top-Space (rather than sub-space) in Dominants and Top-Space crash)
The submissive needs now is to be held and to hold you, to be comforted by your presence. You must become the entire focus of their awareness and this can be anything from stroking her hair to a form of snuggling, taking a bath together, cuddling, kissing, or simply touching and …… yes, more fondling and more intercourse is always an option but it doesn’t have to be. The moments after sex are moments of vulnerability.
Afterplay is important in situations like this as it can reassure the partner through touch and intimacy.etc. It is VITAL to keep in contact with the bottom and to encourage her to relax. She may want to talk a lot- let her. The adrenaline will have her in a very agitated state – with high heart beat and breathing levels, yes she has a ton of endorphins in her system, but the adrenaline is now holding the endorphins off and the bottom isn’t experiencing their full effect any longer. The Dominant’s job is to help her relax through the adrenaline burn-off period.
If there has been any physical injuries the top will attend to the wounds and disinfect and dress the wounds. The top will also remove any restrictive restraints, debris or any harmful materials from the submissive. Accessories such as nipples clamps, vaginal pumps and other accessories will also need to be removed. If a blindfold, or mask needs to be removed from the submissive then they should consider removing this by giving warning, and ensuring that it is done slowly. They might also choose to leave it on for a short amount of time, and adjust the lighting, to make sure that the sub is not assaulted with bright lights.
At this stage, the brain will often release levels of prolactin to help modify and control the levels of dopamine within your system, prolactin has often been linked to mood swings, irritability and to feelings of depression and alienation.
The Dominant should have clean water nearby, preferably with a straw as the motor skills of the bottom may be impaired if the scene was particularly intense. The Dominant should also offer chocolate to her (providing they not have a medical condition that forbids it) to help increase blood sugar as well as release Oxytocin. (Just as first responders often give chocolate to shock victims). Sweet tea is also good once she’s down enough not to spill it and scald you or her.
The Dom will provide subtle and soft positive verbal reinforcement to help guide the bottom into a feeling of peace and serenity and will provide occasional touch to skin that was not used during the scene – on the head, limbs and back of the bottom, tracing the fingers lightly along the skin as gentle as one might touch their own face with only enough force to feel it but be aware that some areas of skin may be considered hyper sensitive and touch should be intermittent and not used to torture but instead to relax. Also be aware that she could be very feral during early stages of aftercare.
After care is the period of time that occurs after a scene in which there is a period of recovery for the participants and where they will take care of each other’s emotional and physical needs. It’s a time of reflection and sometimes even a form of spiritual awareness through sex, but primarily aftercare is not sexual in nature, and nor should it be treated as an opportunity for more sex.
By talking her down out of the adrenaline agitation, she will feel the massive content of endorphins that currently exist in her system! After a Level 4 or 5 experience, if not talked down, she can be mingling with people as if nothing ever happened, but she’s floating on a self-sustained adrenaline buzz and she’s missing out on a long, long, stretch of total endorphin-induced ecstasy as well as being at risk of doing something stupid fuelled by adrenalin crashes. Adrenalin crashes cause guilt, revulsion and can cause her to develop negative associations with the experience. Just as people in shock have been known to go off and do reckless things due to the complexity of adrenalin downs, so too, could your submissive.
Without aftercare, sub-drop can occur. This is a mind state that is similar to the sensations of depression and is caused by the sudden drop of endorphins and adrenalin and symptoms can include (and this can be up to 2 or 3 days later):
– Difficulty with memory, details and making decisions
– Decreased levels of energy
– Strong feelings of guilt and helplessness
– Strong feelings of self-revulsion, possibly even being nauseated over her new limits
– Post coital depression (a feeling of emptyness and worthlessness after sex)
– Strong feelings of pessimism
– Excessive sleeping or insomnia
– Increased irritability and restlessness
– Loss of interest in activities that were once deemed to be pleasurable
– Appetite loss or over-eating
– Persistent feelings of sadness, anxiety or ‘empty’ feelings
– Thoughts of suicide
A good Dom will be in touch over the next few days.